» posted on 9:27am - August 07 2006 | posted by U_underestimate_me current mood: gloomy
listening to: Selena
I don't understand if my summer was what i expected it to be because i expected the worst or becauseI made it that way. I was afraid to visit my mother this year for the first time in my life...but this year was different, this year i met my little sister. I felt like i should've resented her for some reason like i had to recapture my territory and give her the rules...but my tries were nothing but the dust that collects in your garage. although she's only about a year old i feel like she's taking over and claiming this land i once called mine. My mom acted differently this summer...like she didn't trust me...and it hurt that she felt that way.
When she started acting this way towards me insead of confronting her about it I was a coward and hid myself away in my room! I cry myself to sleep knowing that she doesn't care what happens to me and as much as i would like to believe that isn't true i heard it from her own mouth...saying that not knowin i was just around the corner.
I held back my tears and walked by as if i hadn't just heard what she said. And everynight since then i have cried myself to sleep.
Over the past couple weeks i have given in to my sister's baby charm and fell in love with her but yet i still have my gaurd up against her i'm still shutting her out and being cold...
I'm afraid to say anything because it's bad enough that she kept telling me year after year that i would be able to stay with her next year and then the best year to go comes and she says no....and it kills me that she could lie to me like that ...she looked me straight in the eye and said it wouldn't be good because they were moving...and then she turned around and told my dad it wouldn't be fair to her new husband...I feel like i have nothing left...all my friends are leaving...my dad seems to always be gone or alseep...its just me to deal with my sorrows and my pain. Just me...and my writing....
--- "Afraid of Vacation" has been viewed  times ---
untitled | | » posted by: distortedfender · date: 3:58am - May 19 2009 | rated: N/A | | |  | |
I'm sorry for your mother treating you like this, but if it makes you feel any better i know how it feels
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