my biggest motivation for everything I do is basically the dream and hope of one day having my own little commune outside of the general population, where I let in who I think can maintain the lifestyle I want to protect, and keep a nice big fence around it to keep everyone else out.

I envision a place where you're allowed to expand your mind and put anything you want into your body and walk around outside freely enjoying nature and life - the way I believe life was supposed to be. If you want to trip outside and stare at the clouds, have at it. If you want to work on on building some shack, or planting a garden, have at it. If you want to play games all day and never work, have at it. If you want to never use drugs in your life and simply live with others in peace and respect, have at it. If you want to condescend and tell people how they should live their lives, or what to think, get the fuck out and don't come back. Or if you just want to lay around and sleep all day... Basically a place where rules wouldn't even be necessary because the only people allowed in would have the understanding and respect to to know how to behave without being told.

That's why I work at all, and why I continue to strive for anything at all.. I'm miserably disappointed in how we have managed our societies, and I want a place outside of these failed attempts to try it myself, without interference from other agendas. I want not only to prove to myself that a better life is possible, but to enjoy that sort of living, without dwelling on all the little things we've programmed ourselves into believing we need to exist (technology namely). I'm not saying there wouldn't be any technology.. I'm just saying that technology would only be there because we want to enjoy it, not because we've learned to think we need it.

It might surprise some folks, considering that I am programmer and computer nut, but the reality is I would give it all up in a second if it meant I could attain the things that I think are much more important.

keeping the below things done motivates me. It is hard otherwise but I work to keep a living so to say.

lol thanks. I've been enjoying normal life quite a bit. Though it can be boring sometimes. But having money in the bank and food in the fridge and not worrying about how to pay next months rent is nice.

TIME, now tha'sa big one. don't ave as much as i used to, so like you said, the drive and desire are not quite there anymore, least not as strong as they once were.
btw, congrats on the more 'normal, stable' life.
that's not sarcasm either.

I agree with you Darwin about life changing and so does your interests. over 2 years ago I was single, broke, living day to day, traveling and moving around a lot. My life was all about the Metal scene. It was all I had to look forward to at the time. Everyone I knew and hung out with was in the scene and we were always trying to do something new to get our friends bands known and whatnot.

Now I been in a relationship for 2 years, Have had a stable job for 2 years, been living in the same place for over a year and actually have money. But I dont have very much free time any more and the friends that have also moved to this city I don't really hang out with or talk to anymore.

With that said I'm still interested in what I was a few years ago. I just don't have the drive and desire to really pursue it any more. I've been working on a Metal Magazine for a while now. The first was out in May but I haven't done squat for the next issue yet. I'm completely unmotivated to work on it.

i too have lost interest in things i once enjoyed.
i think some of it is what you said, feedback, we all need kudos every now and then.
but most of it is that things have changed so much for me in the past two years. i've gone through some rough crap (as many have) and so those things that once made me happy have been put on the back burner, no longer important. but that's the kick, the more you feel that you are losing yourself, the harder you should try to hold on, but you just don't.
i make excuses like my left hand wrist is messed up, harder now to hold my camera, but that's just an excuse.
i really do wish for those feelings back, the ones that make you want to pick the camera back up cause you know there can be happiness through the viewfinder.
meh.

not standing still. me personalize i just do things because doing anything means i don't stand still and let everything that i can do be dealt by other hands.
never stand still, attaining something is about moving in its direction. :-D